Many-a-times, we come across people who we think are just so full of themselves – they can only think and talk about themselves, will find ways to segue in to any conversation and make it about them, will disregard what other people are saying, and overall, you just get a feeling that when you are talking to them, they are not really there, and are lost in their own thoughts.
Not to say that such people don’t exist, but I think there are some people who may not necessarily belong to this category, but whose behaviour may cause us to think that they do.
This revelation came to me recently, when I was having a conversation with a colleague. She was sharing a couple of problems, and I was trying to be helpful by giving her advice based on my own personal experiences.
It is then that I thought about how might it seem to someone who didn’t know the entire situation very well. He’d see this woman talking about her problems to this guy who was making the conversation all about himself.
Reflecting back, I also realised that it wasn’t the first time I had done that. Turns out, I tend to talk a lot about myself! Just like in this post. 🙂
This further got me wondering about the reason behind it. As per my own analysis (which admittedly, could be partial, so I’ll leave it up to you whether or not you agree with it), I think it’s because I feel like when I can relate some external events (like the situation someone else is in) to events in my own life, I can get a better understanding of that situation. As long as the situation remains external, it remains abstract – you can’t really fully understand it. But if it becomes personal, it becomes more concrete, more real and you can relate to it better. And by speaking about and sharing that with that other person, I’m looking for validation that yes, that person’s circumstances and mine are similar, and whatever advice I might offer henceforth would be relevant to her.
There’s another reason behind it as well I think, and that is the innate longing to belong together. Talking about problems, hopes, memories that are common and shared between two people brings them closer. And I think this desire to belong together is inherent in all of us. Each of us needs to make this journey called “life” through this vast ocean of time, and when we meet fellow travellers, we tend to gravitate towards them as if it’s simply a law of nature. This connection doesn’t always need to be romantic or anything – you can share it between friends, strangers, and even between man and nature.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, not all of the people that you’ll find just talking about themselves would be thinking all this. So, how do you differentiate between the two?
I feel one difference between these two sets of people is that those who are trying to connect with you, will also listen intently to what you have to say. They might interject you with their own stories from time to time, but they will give you ample space to speak, and when you do, you will have their full attention – they will listen to, and not just hear, every word you say.
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Well, after this analysis, I certainly learned a bit about myself and those around me. And I just wanted to share the same with you by means of this post in the hope that you’ll find it helpful in some way too!